Lie In The Sound
by xxColourMeBluexx
Summary: Set during 1x12. She doesn't look back at him because she knows that if she does, she'll never be able to leave this room and she needs to, she has to. OTH: Lucas/Peyton.


**AN: Set during 1x12 CCIPC. What happens when the necklace doesn't get caught in Peyton's hair and LP sleep together? I originally wrote this for an LP fanfic contest over at OTHforums a while ago but I was going through my files recently and realised this was still saved on my computer so I thought I'd upload it here too.**

**~Lie In The Sound~**

_I love you more than I should_

_So much more than is good for me_

_More than is good_

The sunlight streams through the windows of their motel room as her eyes begin to softly flutter open and a smile graces upon her face. She can feel his hand resting gently on her abdomen and his heart steadily beating against her back. It's soothing and she feels like sighing in happiness. For the first time in a long time she feels _safe_, _content_ and just truly _loved_. So she lets herself really smile, a genuine smile, something that has been such a rarity in her life. She hasn't felt this happy since before her mother died and so she allows herself to relish in this newfound yet somewhat familiar feeling. She thinks she deserves a little happiness after living for so long in pain. She never used to think it would be possible to feel this happy again but one boy had somehow managed to bring her out of the darkness she was so hell-bent on hiding in. He had managed to get her to believe in herself, to open up to people, to let herself lean on and trust others. She thinks it must be some kind of miracle that one boy could do all of that.

However, the moments of pure bliss are short lived as the realisation of what she has done overwhelms her mind. She has betrayed her best friend; she's become someone she never thought she would ever be. She feels sick, she feels like the worst person in the world as the guilt and the self-hatred takes over her and she knows she has to get out of this room, and as much as it pains her she has to get away from him. So she removes his hand from her stomach no longer feeling worthy of his touch and affection and she gets up from the place she felt so _safe_, so _content_ and so _loved_. She doesn't look back at him because she knows that if she does, she'll never be able to leave this room and she needs to, she _has_ to. So she scurries around for her clothes and gets dressed in record time before she's out of the door fully intent on running away and never looking back.

Except she doesn't run.

She can't.

_Something_ holds her back.

Instead of fleeing as far away from the motel as possible Peyton leans against the building, her breathing becomes erratic, and she tries to control it, she tries to calm herself down, but she can't. The situation is so messed up and she has no idea of how to rectify it and she's panicking. Whatever she does, whatever she decides, in some way she loses. So she sinks to the floor and lets the tears she has been holding back fall freely from her troubled emerald eyes. Eyes that hold such pain, such mystery but also deep down hold so much light, so much beauty and love. It's something most people never see, but Lucas did. He could see past the facade and the tough exterior that she put around herself, he saw everything she tried to hide behind and it gave her hope when all she could see was darkness. And she hates to let her emotions show, she's always made an effort to be fearless, to not let people see her vulnerability but Lucas Scott changed everything the day he fixed her car and deep down she knows she wouldn't have it any other way.

A few moments pass when Brooke's face fills her mind and the guilt washes over her once again except this time it's increased tenfold. She can see the look of betrayal in the brunette's eyes, the pain on her face and it's unbearable. She's never once wanted to hurt anyone, least of all her best friend. But she unwittingly has and she knows it's something she can never take back. She wishes they never fell for the same boy; things would be so much simpler if they didn't. She wishes she never walked away the night when Lucas told her he wanted everything with her, she knows that if she hadn't run away in fear there would have been no love triangle from hell and her and Lucas would be free to be together. But wishing changes nothing, and she's still the lying, cheating bitch who has come between her best friend's relationship with her boyfriend. She'll always be the villain, no matter what she does. It's something she has resigned herself to.

_Oh the timing is cruel_

_Oh I need and don't want to need_

_More than I should_

So she sits, and she cries. She cries because she is in love with her best friend's boyfriend. She cries because she knows they didn't just have sex, that this wasn't some sordid affair, they had made love and it was beautiful, it was the most incredible experience of her life. And she cries because she knows there is no future for them, at least she can't see one. Everything is so complicated and all she can feel is pain and guilt.

Meanwhile Lucas begins to stir from his peaceful slumber, his arm subconsciously moves across the bed seeking out the warmth and comfort only her body can provide, wanting to feel her soft skin against his. His face falls into a frown when he feels nothing but cold sheets and when his eyes open his fears are confirmed; she's gone.

He wants to say he's surprised that she's not there, but he can't because he isn't surprised. He isn't surprised one bit, he's disappointed and sad but he isn't surprised at her departure. It was how she worked. Every time he confesses his feelings, every time they grow closer, or etch more towards unknown territory she gets scared and when Peyton Sawyer is scared she runs. She doesn't know anything else. He wants to be angry with her for always doing this to him but he just can't get himself to feel that way towards her. Besides he knows he isn't entirely innocent. He knows he could have avoided the whole mess of the triangle if he never tried to date Brooke to mend his _broken_ heart. He knows he could have let go of his pride and uncertainty the night Peyton confessed she felt the same way as he did but he didn't do any of those things. He made mistakes just like she did and because of those mistakes things were beyond complicated. He wishes things could be easier, he wishes they could be together without having to hurt anyone else, he wishes that they didn't have the worst timing in the world. He wishes for a lot of things and they all seem to lead right back to the curly haired blonde who had stolen his heart the moment he laid eyes on her for the first time.

Sighing with sadness, he lies back against the pillows and closes his eyes remembering the way she smiled at him when he playfully nipped at her neck, the way she wrapped her long legs around his waist, legs he had dreamed about countless times. He remembers the way her hands ran through his hair as he placed loving kisses to her stomach and the way she breathlessly moaned against him when they became one for the first time; and all he can do is smile. He loves her, he is so completely _in love_ with her and all he wants is for them to be together but he knows it can never be that simple; it never is with them.

_I am falling, say my name_

_And I'll lie in the sound_

_What is love, but whatever my heart needs around_

The memories of their one and only time together becomes too much for him to handle. He's had a taste of what it's like to have all of her, to feel so unbelievably close to her and now he knows there is a good chance he will never have all of her again, that he will never get to feel that close to her again and it's just unbearable. He feels defeated and so he gets up from the bed, from the place where he experienced what making love was for the first time. It was never making love with Brooke, he knows that, he's always known and he knows that no matter what happens in the future nothing will ever compare to what he felt in this motel room. But he can't stay here any longer, it's too hard to bear, so he grabs his clothes, dresses himself quickly and gets set to leave.

His first instinct is to find Peyton, he loves her and he wants to know she is alright, he _needs_ to know. He hopes he can convince her that everything will be okay. He doesn't know anything for certain but he'll do anything to make her feel better, even if it means lying. He knows she's probably beating herself up about everything wherever she is and in his mind she shouldn't be. He's willing to take the blame for everything because he knows he put himself in the middle of a friendship, he knows he played the biggest part in this mess. But also because he doesn't want to see her hurting, he loves her and all he wants to do is to shield her from pain and make her happy. He just hopes she will be brave enough to let him. He makes his way to the door and he can hear sobbing, he knows right away who it is and it only makes him move faster. She hasn't left him and in his mind that means something. But he's still worried; he doesn't think he's ever heard her cry so hard before.

He opens the door and finds her on the pavement and the sight of her tugs at his heart because when she hurts, he hurts. Not being able to bear seeing her hurting so profusely he doesn't hesitate to bend down beside her and pull her into his arms. She tries to protest for a while but he whispers that everything is okay and she eventually settles into his embrace. He presses loving kisses to her hair until her sobs become almost silent whimpers and when he's sure she's stopped crying he gently guides her head from his chest so that he can look into her eyes. They're red and puffy, but she's still beautiful to him, she's _always_ beautiful to him. One lone tear makes its way onto her cheek and he wastes no time in raising his hand to wipe it away with the pad of his thumb.

_Oh my sheet is so thin_

_So I say I can't sleep because_

_It's so very cold_

"I...I..."

"Shh it's okay" he whispers not wanting her to feel like she has to speak. He's perfectly happy to wait until she's ready. She's been through so much in the last couple of days, worrying about the fate of her father and now feeling conflicted with the recent development in their complex relationship. He knows she needs time to process everything and he'll happily hold her in his arms while she does that.

"But it's not okay" she cries, "what we did will never be okay."

"But it will never be wrong either" he says caressing her face lovingly, "God Peyton what I feel for you could never be seen as wrong, the circumstances maybe but how I feel when I'm with you is nothing but right."

She lets herself smile slightly at his heartfelt words. He always knows just what to say, he can always make her feel better with ease but her guilt is still there, no one can ever erase that. She knows it's something she will have to deal with on her own.

"Brooke's my best friend Lucas and I...god I'm just the worst friend in the world. She doesn't deserve this" she replies and her face falls back into his chest as more tears fall from her eyes soaking through the material of his t-shirt.

He gives her a few moments to compose herself before he gently guides her face back out of his chest.

"You're not okay, you're not. It's my fault. I'm the one who dated Brooke when I wasn't over you...I put myself in between the two of you and I shouldn't have."

She nods a little, trying to believe him, wanting to make herself feel a slight bit better but knowing she doesn't deserve to feel that way. And she knows she played her part too, he'll never be entirely to blame.

He takes a deep breath, a little nervous at what he's about to say but he knows he can't keep it in any longer. Whether she feels the same or not, he can't hide from his feelings anymore.

So he gazes intently into her beautiful green eyes and smiles "I love you Peyton, and I don't want to scare you but I'm just...I'm so in love with you."

She lets out a happy sob at his admission because hearing those words from him could never make her feel bad. She feels guilty for their actions merely hours earlier but she can't feel anything other than happiness at knowing he feels the same way as she does.

"I love you too" she whispers in response causing the broody blonde to smile one of the brightest smiles she has ever seen from him.

He leans in to kiss her and that's when she realises that they can't do this anymore. They can't keep hurting people who don't deserve it. They can't just act on their emotions without taking into consideration the consequences. She may love him and he may love her but they can't keep doing this, she can't keep betraying her best friend. She doesn't want to be that person. She hates that she has already become that person. So she moves her head to the side causing Lucas to frown and then she pulls herself from his arms and stands up. He follows suit, knowing that she is about to run and just needing to stop her.

_Oh but I know what I need_

_And if you were just near to me_

_Would you go..._

"Don't do this Peyton" he says grabbing onto her arm in an attempt to keep her from leaving him.

"I don't want to okay, I just...I can't do this to her Lucas."

"I'm going to break up with her. I don't love her Peyton, you know that."

"But she's so clearly falling for you, if she hasn't already" she retorts.

"I'm still going to end it; I can't keep lying to myself. Staying with her will only hurt her more in the long run and she deserves to be with someone who can love her with their whole heart." He pauses momentarily before continuing "I...I can't do that Peyton I just can't. And I can't lose you...I need you" he says with desperation.

His eyes look so pained and she knows it's her turn to comfort him. She wraps her arms around him tightly breathing in his scent and all the while knowing she has the most difficult decision ahead of her.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do" she whispers truthfully into his shoulder but he hears her clearly.

"Just follow your heart" he replies softly.

"What if it's pulling me in two different directions?" she questions and he sighs because he's not sure what he can say to that. He's not in her position, and he hates that she's the one who has to choose between him and her best friend.

"I don't know" he admits quietly and she nods her head against him.

The drive back to Tree Hill is quiet, both of them feeling so much for one another but not knowing what to do or say to make their situation better.

_I am falling, say my name_

_And I'll lie in the sound_

_What is love, but whatever my heart needs around_

When they get back home she tells him she needs time to think everything through and he understands and tells her to take as much time as she needs because he isn't going anywhere. She smiles at that, it only makes her heart swell and her love for him deepen.

He ends things with Brooke just like he said he would. He doesn't mention his encounter with Peyton in the motel; he just tells her in the gentlest way that he possibly can that his heart isn't with her. She's devastated and Peyton feels absolutely awful but she is there for her through it all. She comforts her and does everything a best friend is supposed to do in this sort of situation. She contemplates telling Brooke the truth but eventually decides against it, realising that the brunette doesn't need any more heartache and even though Peyton would always feel guilty, she'd rather carry that around than cause Brooke more pain.

Deciding that she and Lucas can't be together Peyton tells him that Brooke is too heartbroken and she'd feel too guilty about it but she makes a point to let him know that someday they would get their shot and she will hold onto that belief and hopes that he will too. He's disappointed but he understands and he tells her he will wait for her and she smiles because she knows he will. She believes in their love for one another. It's a miracle at how far she has come from the lonely, sarcastic and cynical person she used to be mere months ago and she knows she has Lucas to thank for it. He's the one who believed in her when she didn't believe in herself and for that she will always love him.

Towards the end of junior year Brooke starts dating again, she seems happy and her new boyfriend treats her well. Peyton knows it's only a matter of time now until she can be happy too. So she does what she does best, she puts those feelings down onto paper. She draws herself and Lucas with their hands over each other's hearts, along with the caption 'soon' and she sends it to him.

_And it needs you too much now_

He smiles when he sees it for the first time. The waiting has been hard, unbearable even but he can now see a light at the end of the tunnel. He has seen Brooke around school with her new boyfriend and he knows full well she is completely over him. And he can't deny that it has had his hopes and excitement skyrocketing with anticipation of what the near future could possibly hold for him and Peyton. After all it has been months of waiting and wondering. But now this one piece of art from the girl in question is telling him everything that he has wanted to know for so long; she is almost ready for them, and their shot is finally within reach.

In fact it's within very _close_ reach.

_**fin**_

******Thanks for reading, reviews are appreciated :)**


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